Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
