We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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