would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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