tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
