Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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