Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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