yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
