good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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