went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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