I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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