You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
