I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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