I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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