okay pat passed out under dana's car
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
