In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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