omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Farmville is her only friend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
