just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
