Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
