she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
