Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
