I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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