Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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