I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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