His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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