kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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