haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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