mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
