matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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