I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
they need to just BURY HIM!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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