You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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