Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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