i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
