Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bring money and cleavage
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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