I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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