White coat. Heels.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
