I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
