the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We had sex on a dog bed..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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