My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
