Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My ass is underappreciated
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
