She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
