He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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