barbara walters just said penis...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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