ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
