Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
