i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
