Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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