just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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