Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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