I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
