I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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