I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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