I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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