why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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