508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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